Missing Wife And Dog

A guy walks in a police office and speaks to an officer:

- My wife left our house for a walk yesterday but did not return yet.

- Can you please describe your wife? How she looked like, what was she wearing?

- Umm… I don’t know. Long hair, dress… She was walking with a dog.

- Can you please describe the dog?

- Yes, 4 year old boxer, male, brown with black stripes on his back, a bit lame on his left forearm and a small white speck on his right cheek, brown eyes…

Why is your dog staring at me?

- Excuse me, why is your dog staring at me like that?

- He always does so when somebody is eating from his bowl…

You’d better improve the advertising

A guy visiting his childhood friend praises him for the tidiness in the house:
- You must be luckily married. See how clean it’s in here.
- No, no, no… I’m not married. It’s the dog who cleans here.
- What??!? The… dog?
- Yes, yes! It is a very smart dog. Cleaning is nothing indeed. You’d better taste how it cooks.

Did you pay for the dog?

A ticket controller asks a passenger with a dog:

- Did you pay for the dog?
- No, it was the gift on my birthday.

I think I’m a dog… woof!

At a psychiatrist:

“Woof, Doc! I think I’m a dog, woof, woof.”
“Okay, let’s take a closer look. Please lie here on a couch and we’ll talk it through!”
“But, doctor! Woof, woof… I am not allowed on a couch… woof!”

I Did Not Want to Scare You

A plumber went to a client’s house and rang a bell. Door was opened by a dog which said to him in a human voice:
- Nobody’s home!

A plumber fainted in a huge surprise. After a while, when he came back from shock he asked the dog: (more)

My Dog Is Not Okay

A call to a vet’s office:

- Hello, I think my dog is not okay?

- Hmmm… and what makes you come to this conclusion?

- He is lying under my bed and doesn’t come out for the third day. He doesn’t eat, does not drink and that smell, you know, is real bad.

Does it speak?

A guy walks in a pet store:
“Do you have a parrot that could speak?” he asks.
“Nope, we sold last one earlier this morning” shop-man replied and continued “but I can offer to you an Owl! Are you interested?”
“Oh? Does it speak?” man asks after a short suprise.
“No, it does not. But it is a very, very good listener.”

Please buy a puppy

A boy asks his mother: “Mom, mom, please buy a puppy!” “No! I don’t think it is a good idea” goes the answer. “But please, pleaaaaase…” kid keeps on insisting It goes for some more time untill mother decides to end this conversation and says strictly: “I said No! No means no! Go and try [...]

It’s the plumber

A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o’clock. Ten o’clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock; no plumber. She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived. He knocked on the door; the lady’s [...]